drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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