No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
