I love black thongs
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
