I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
