the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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