What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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