The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
