He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
