WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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