its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
