Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
