two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
