I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
