it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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