porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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