people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
