It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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