She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
