I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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