...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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