Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
