i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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