I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
jump out the window naked night went bad
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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