bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
