he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
