I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
