College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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