.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
