It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
