I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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