wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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