Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
