and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
