you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
