My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
