When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
