I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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