Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
