theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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