We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
