It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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