I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
