it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
