Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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