yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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