He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
