these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
