Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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