I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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