I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
