when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
