BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.