brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.