your parents love me but you hate me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right