I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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