I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
