I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
