could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
