don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you never un-have a 4some
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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