my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
