I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
