His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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