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If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
