I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
