She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
