my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
