Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
