She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
