Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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