So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
