He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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